Throughout my life, I always found it easier to connect with people who lived far away from me. Years ago I thought it could have to do with my shyness, or with how difficult it is for me to open up with people in general. Perhaps, I thought, it could be the fact that on the internet you don’t have to look people in the eyes and see their cues and reactions, even though I’m not usually shy at all about that sort of thing. Online interactions can be easier because we aren’t forced to reveal too much about ourselves, we have more control over what people get to see. All of this can ease a lot of anxiety, and I know countless people who feel more comfortable making friends online for these very reasons.
Still, I’ve come to realize that in my case it has to do with the way distance — both cultural and physical — forces you to interact with others. Usually, when you meet someone new, you share anecdotes about your day; you talk about everyday experiences that you two can discuss and dissect. You’re usually both native speakers of the same language, and have the same pop culture topics to reference. Everything feels smooth: you have a solid foundation of superficial things you can rely on, and to base your small talk on. You often have friends in common, too. On the surface, your lives are intertwined, and in a very obvious way. It’s just way easier.
That can’t happen online. Sure, we can get close to that kind of relationship and learn a lot about each other’s environments; still, online interactions simply create a different kind of dynamics. But does that necessarily have to be something negative? In the end, it just means that we are forced to get back to basic emotions: love, fear, doubt, loneliness — which are all things most of us feel at some point in our lives and can relate to, regardless of where we are. You can try to focus on mental health, on feelings, on supporting each other emotionally. You can be there for each other and explore emotions, and you can, with time, share details about your lives and ponder on how similar, yet different they may have been. When we try to get past our very superficial cultural differences and try to communicate with other people about these universal topics, we can finally sense that we aren’t that different after all. Who doesn’t want to belong, to feel like there are others like us, out there? There’s a sense of wonder in finding out that perhaps someone who was born on the other side of the world could have had a life that is, in many ways, similar to yours. That type of connection can indeed make us feel less out of place. And perhaps, it can make us feel like we belong, too.
